Sunday, May 4, 2014

Coke and Bread

why does it take so much out of me
to be this weak?

and of course it's obvious. hello! I'm fine.
Thank you, though, for your concern.

and I don't understand
I look in the mirror and see I look the same
I look and say, 'hey you're not bad.'
I think about my life and it's all the same
I think and say, 'it could be a fuck ton worse.'

and I know things are good, so why don't I feel good?
I want to slap myself in the face and say
love what you've got
don't waste your time being less than happy
what's the goddamn point
you get one chance, right? Why waste any amount of time being upset? The things you can fix, you fix. The things you can't, you get over. There's no point in dwelling on things you can't change. It's a waste of time. Sometimes people need time. I'm 28 years and nearly two months old...this day? today? I'll never get back. Each day we get once. One time then it's over. In a couple years I'll be an old hag. I try to use beauty as a motivator. It usually works.

Maybe I'm just doing everything wrong. Maybe I'm so far away from where I should be that I just cannot surmount the wrongs. But who's to say where I should and shouldn't be? If I could, that would be acceptable. What I'm doing is insane. It's crazy but I accept it.

Sometimes I think I should just go for a walk
but then somehow I do nothing at all.

This is a language that I know.


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