holes in the lace

I'm definitely dying inside.
I just want to say I'm so sorry to anyone I ever made feel this way.
I'm so sorry.
my insides have turned to sludge and are sliding down the walls of the hollow cave that is my torso.
Nothing was spared, nothing was spared.
You obliterated my entire being
but you didn't do it alone

there was a time not so long ago that I could have rolled with every single one of these punches,
but now I just take the hits. over and over and over and over. crimson and clover.

you've all claimed to love me. what does your love mean if it doesn't last a lifetime? you all think I'm tough and don't feel these things. but when i told you i loved you, it means i'll always love you although the movements may change. Yes I'm tough, but I used to be tougher. I used to say 'oh well if that's how it is...fuck you.' and i used to WALK AWAY. why is it so hard to walk now?

WHY DO I DWELL? Don't i have enough in my life to keep me from dwelling on someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about me? I do, so why do i MAKE TIME? Well no more of that, no more of that.