Two Princes

At this point in my silly little life I'd say I spend a good 70% of the time thinking hey i'm alright. Whatever life throws at me, I can take.
Whatever someone needs, I can give.
Those times I've thought, 'god i've gotten so dumb; i don't read anymore, rarely write, make grammatical errors and am too lazy or stupid to fix them or even care...' whatever this is already going somewhere stupid.

The point is, most days I think I'm pretty great. I don't lie, don't cheat, I'm good to people..better than is good for me sometimes, which I'm ok with because every time I get hurt I learn and get stronger. My conscience is clear and it feels good.
i say i hate people sometimes.
i care about people.
if they are shit people i try to understand how they got this way. it may not have been wholly their choice.
if i love or care about you, you never have to worry because i'll do anything to fix your worries or help you with what you need.
i have become fearless. i never lived in fear, but the more i go through the more fearless i become. and i think that's better than living afraid because you know something bad will happen. am i waiting for the other shoe to drop? always. there's always another shoe. and sometimes it rains shoes. to me, this has become all the more reason to live fiercely unafraid.

and laugh at yourself

climb the highest mountain.
see everything.
do everything.
get hurt.
don't hold back.
let em see you. they love you.
they love you!
i never thought i'd be loved in the way that i am.
beloved by almost all.
i'll take almost.

the dream with the guitar with no strings (that's for another day)


anyway that's 70% of the time...maybe. maybe even more. but the remaining percentage...when I have those days where i just hate myself for no good reason but can't shake the feeling? it feels like 100% and makes me question what progress i've really made. but i know i have, so it's ok hahaha. the rationalization for undeserved self-deprecation. hilarious.