when i'm stranded and i'm starry-eyed

you don't want me
you can tell me
i'm the bigger man here;
it's true.

how i love 'em all
as the days slip by...

god i miss my walks across 10th street. I have different walks now. Walks across Central Park (boo-hoo, right), walks across 22nd street...whatever sort of walks I have them all. I love to do walks. I love to do walks, but I sleep too much. I know...everyone else wishes they had this problem. Trust me, 'tis not grand. 'Tis sucks. I sleep perhaps because I have nothing to live for but work.

Ouch! That cannot be true. I like doing other things. I like doing other things much more than work in fact. Responsibility it is a lack of that I mean perhaps then, Yoda. I have few responsibilities. I should probably have a child to solve this problem. Def. Resentment is key to a good relationship.

See here's the problem: I set my alarm so I have to get out of bed to turn it off. If it were just me here, I'd let it go off for hours before getting up, but I feel guilt that it is bothering Dave so I get up, and turn it off. Then I go lie down on the couch and cover myself with a blanket, take my glasses off and fall to sleep once moar. Sometimes I wake up in another 20 mins and say, 'Amanda you LAZY FUCKING BITCH GET UP AND MAKE COFFEE,' and I get up and make coffee. The problem there is that we buy whole bean coffee and have to grind it. HAVE TO. OMG life is so hard. #firstworldproblems!!!! The issue with this is not so much the work in fact, all you judgmental assholes that aren't even reading this, but the sound it makes. I do not wish to wake Dave. I do not wish to wake him partially because he goes to sleep much later than I do and I want him to get adequate sleep, but also because I want to be alone doing things.

I want to say yeah I wrote some shit. I went to the store. I did the laundry. I did the dishes. I swept the floor. I cleaned up. How boring we become.

How boring we become and some of us make peace with that. Others don't. Others can't. So we either do something with it be it constructive or destructive. It is ok to become boring as long as you're ok with it. Many people I see are quite content in their lives. They talk about their children, their yards, their wives doing something bitchy but how it was funny and how she used to do this other thing, and their co-workers and how he's such an asshole but everyone knows it and it's funny. EVERYTHING MUST BE FUNNY. Others have these things as well but find them dull and cannot be complacent they way they should in order to be happy with what they have. and so we have drug problems we drink too much we cheat we steal we seek ridiculous thrills that only destroy the wonderful things we have to begin with that everyone else is so happy with. It's all pure insanity.

And insanity is ok - it'll get you out of anything.