Saturday, November 23, 2013

But oh, I Try

But do I really?
A little maybe.

So I've written a rough outline. Next comes a more thorough outline with nothing left out so there's no room for tangents. No room for tangents!

Then I will decide which details and story-lines are not necessary or interesting to keep the plot moving.
Unfortunately, they all kept my life going, but in reality I guess some held me back or were just boring.
Life is boring sometimes, you know?

 Like, maybe not so important. (??) Definitely thought-provoking, though.........
or perhaps, the crux of my existence.
All options must be explored!!!!
WHAT. 'What' is what I have to say to this. I mean, yes, ok, sure......but, WHAT? Words? Meaning? I know at least one is there, but both? Not so sure.

I think that stuff like this is worth looking at and comparing it to where I was in my life at the time to possibly figure out where the FUCK it came from, but I'm not so sure that would be an easy/possible endeavor. The above is much more accessible...almost as accessible as it is pedestrian. Yes, I said 'pedestrian,' because I am a pretentious douchebag. A pretentious douchebag listening to Hanson's 'Snowed In.' It's called shuffle, and we all know about it and we'll leave it there.

What I'm writing begins in January of 2009, when I moved to New York, and will end in January of 2013 ( I think). It's about me. It's about anyone. It's about anyone, but it's about me and what I've done right, what I've done wrong, and how I've handled my freedom and responsibilities and the relationships I've built and destroyed with people and places and especially the city that is now my home as well as my employer. My flaws and selfishness. My mistakes and attempts at redemption. My earnest attempts at doing right, walking straight - sometimes rewarded, sometimes overlooked.

And as I was reminded today: the good times shall not be overlooked.

It's gonna be work, but I'm excited. I can't sit stagnant any longer. I can't keep ignoring this. Rejection letters, here I come.


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