Sunday, August 17, 2014

I don't care if you're 35

I think that last title came from a movie I watched, but I'm not sure. Pain is good then right
it's good
good for what
good for whom

I don't always hate it. Sometimes I can look at it romantically and it's nice.
I see that despite all that's wrong and and pathetic
I am less disgusted by myself because what I feel is real.
And I let myself feel it. Sometimes I run, but mostly I indulge in all the silly daydreams my little mind can handle. Which is a horrific amount, btw.

This is the first time I recognize fairy tale love. There are some things I just thought I'd never feel, and that is one of them. Seems like it should have happened at a younger age, but whatever!

It's not like I'm blind to anyone's flaws. I purposely pick them out to see the worst in everyone. I do. It's better to know the worst and be surprised by the good than vice versa. I would stare at your face and tell myself you're not that good-looking. Look at all those grey hairs, your hairline is receding, your teeth aren't so perfect, your voice is weird, too much body hair, your hands are whatevs, your sense of humor is outdated, khaki cargo shorts? yeah you're done.
Then I'm like:
omg your handwriting
but you look hot with those grey hairs
i like your shoes, just don't wear those shorts again
yeah you can smell my hair
kill me i don't even care
i'd give anything up for a night with that

I care so much what other people think about me, about those I love. Why?

Oh I just wanna know what your house looks like


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