Myself, the decapitated bobblehead

I've written here a whopping 5-ish times since I've been in 'school.' I've been ok about writing; I filled up my journal about a week ago...I have yet to get a new one, though. I'm a little less than motivated these days...I do what I have to, but not much more. There's so much yet so little going on in my mind.

I seem to block out years of my life, years of my memory - for the sake of the present. I used to think I lived too much in the past and future and not enough in the present..now it's the opposite. I think about the future, but very little about the past and most about the present. What am I doing right NOW? What about TODAY? And that's it...I have written off a lot of my past, said, 'don't think about that; it doesn't matter...what matters is now.' I've thrown out my old clothes, yearbooks, pictures...I want to be me in the present. I want to be true to how I am feeling now. I guess I've succeeded because I feel like a fucking bobblehead sometimes...I'm just existing. My reactions to the life around me is clouded by little previous experience...it's very face-value. Which I guess was the idea...but it's really just weird. I'm not sure anyone should live like this - it's very disconnected. I look at myself from outside myself and say

ok it's a person with no personality it doesn't affect many people but serves their needs quite properly

And is that any way to live?