Thursday, November 12, 2015

I'm a teenage dirtbag, baby

what a depressing series of entries. I'm sure we all know this one will be no different.

I was reading one entry a few back I wrote about forgetting the past for the sake of living in the present. That was a goal at one point. Now that goal has morphed into some perverted version of itself. Now it seems I do things, I say things as if they won't matter in the future (or soon-to-be present). I guess that is one way of defining 'living in the moment:' saying and doing things without concern for the outcome.

Which is fine.
Sure, it's fine if you're the only one affected. If you live in a vacuum and the outcome of your decisions and delusions affect only you, destroy only you. This is another immature way of thinking. It is akin to, 'I don't care what people think of me.' I used to say that in high school and one day Blake Rego told me it was stupid and at the very least I should care what my parents think of me. As a teenager I thought this was a strange thing for another teenager to say, so I thought about it. I thought about it and realized how selfish it sounded, so I stopped saying it and in reality didn't need to stop living it because I never really did. Was all talk.

I wrote a whole bunch yesterday about my propensity to hide. Maybe I'll start writing here again.


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