no change

this is for the snakes and the people they bite

it's crazy
it's ok

i'm an adult, been an adult
it's time it's torture
i call it paralysis, self-induced
but i know it's a reversible state
enveloped by depression and fear to move, fear to change
fear to change
fear to make decisions to change not approved by other parties
fear to live without approval

how is it that i still sound like a teenager?
maybe i put myself here because i was comfortable here
well now I'm not
my 29th birthday in a month
but age is just a number right tell that to someone who is 29 or 20 or 64 or 9 or 12.
or SEVENTEEN
seventeen, the magic age

just please let this go well. please i'm not praying i'm just hoping i can be strong enough to distance myself from the pain and the inevitable. just until next week. just stop yelling at me. i'm not that frustrating, really.

she hopes i'm cursed forever
to sleep on a twin-sized mattress